The Legend of Bob

I've been desparate to write fiction again, but inspiration has not been my friend lately. I whipped this up tonight. It's just a snippet, but perhaps I'll keep adding more to it and see where it goes.

The Legend of Bob
By Josh Janoski

Tick tock...

Tick tock...

Time stood still. The minute hand never budged, and the second hand moved even slower. That would have normally freaked Bob out except that he still had enough coherence about him to realize that digital clocks didn't contain moving parts. Then what was the ticking sound all about?
His eyelids twitched and pulsated to the beat of the sound. Thin red blood vessels slithered over the whites of his eyeballs, itching and burning. Visine was what the doctor ordered, but sadly the bottle of liquid relief had been left at home sitting next to the box of Claritin. The LCD screen's hypnotizing glow covered Bob's face with a blanket of glorious digital luminance.

What to say? What to say?

Bob Shanigan is working really late tonight.

No. Too plain. And besides, I don't want any potential whackos to know that I'm alone in the office. They might try to break in and murder me. I really love all 546 friends of mine, but I haven't met or talked to some of them yet, so I don't know what they might be capable of.

Bob Shanigan loves Mountain Fizz soda!

That won't work either. As much as I want to declare my love for Mountain Fizz, I risk starting a riot. I can already see this generating an extensive comment thread debating how Citrus Dropkick is at minimum equal, if not superior to, Mountain Fizz. I best refrain from starting a quarrel.

Bob Shanigan :)

You can never go wrong with a smile emoticon. Actually, that may not be true. My smile could be interpreted as snide or nasty. Questions will arise as to what I'm smiling about. Am I laughing at children in third world countries who are going hungry? Do I find the sufferings of the world to be amusing? What if someone of the opposite sex sees my smile on her news feed? Will she take it as a flirtatious gesture and de-friend me? No..I cant take the risk.

Three hours passed on the digital display that hung inside Bob's cubicle. The ticking sound continued, acting as a metronome guiding the rhythm of a late night at the office. The screen's image remained static. Groogle Titanium web browser still opened to the same page - BFFster. Pronounced Biff-ster a.k.a. Best-Friends-Forever-ster. You weren't recognized as a part of the human race if you weren't a member of this premier social networking site.

The only thing more important than joining BFFster was having the most friends on BFFster. The only thing more important than having the most friends on BFFster was having the most witty status updates on BFFster. Bob had been working on said status update for an extended period of time before he finally came up with the perfect notification of his state.

Bob Shanigan is ready for the Zombie Apocalypse! His weapon and food cache is good to go!

Perfect! Everyone loves a good Zombie post. This one will be gold! Hundreds of people will be clicking the "Totally Awesome Post!" button on this one!